You Don't Have to Have It Figured Out
Ten Ideas for Anyone Standing at the Starting Line
It’s the end of the year.
The school year, anyway.
The weather is getting warmer. Kids are hanging around various malls and convenience stores and parking lots more. A sense of temporary, unbridled freedom is just around the corner.
For some.
For many others, its the end of the freedom. It’s time to buckle down, get to work, start down the road of the long and winding career path that almost inevitably starts the minute you finish your last exam.
It’s an interesting time - a liminal period, if you will. A time where you can really miss the cues for what will be a fulfilling, meaningful career - and, instead, just go for what “should” be your work instead.
Here are ten ideas that I often share with people at this juncture (and that, if I were speaking to my self 20 or so years ago, would have shared with young Jordan as well).
Life is long.
Yes, right now, you are probably thinking - “Shit. This better be it. I need to be sure I am making the right choice for myself, my life and my future. This needs to be the career that today me and future me will both love.” Let me tell you something - the odds of that being the case are slim to nil. Some numbers to bear in mind:
People swap careers roughly 5–7 times in a lifetime
The average American holds 12 jobs over their lifetime, with an average tenure of about 4.1 years
Roughly every 3rd or 4th job is also a career change
The average age for a significant career shift is 39
This means that, even though yes, life is short, it is also long. Really long. So long in fact that you have time to change careers 5-7 times and still be OK. So, don’t rush. You have time.
You will change.
And, of course, with life being so long, you are going to change. Change is inevitable - despite the fact that our typical education and career training seems to imply that you take on one career “identity” based on what you study, and that is a fixed thing. The reality is, nothing is fixed. Your tastes will change. Your interests will change. Your relationships will change. And, the world will change. So, be prepared to shift in response to those changes - not as a way of denying your fixed self, but actually, as a way of embracing your changing self.
No one knows anything.
I remember a guy I knew who used to come to a yoga class I taught. I was freshly finished articling at a law firm and was considering my choices - at the time, I was not planning on going back to law. This guy knew a bit about me and I knew a bit about him - he struck me as really successful, knowledgeable, well connected and very much an expert in his field. After class one day, he pulled me aside and asked me, “So, Jordan - figure anything out yet?” And, I said, “No, not really.” To which he replied, “Yeah, me neither. I still haven’t figured out what I want to do when I grow up.”
He was 65.
My point being - he represents the average, not the exception. 20-35% of people in their 30s-50s report career dissatisfaction. It is a lifelong condition for the majority of people.
The question just changes shape: from “what do I want to be?” to “is this still who I want to be?” But, regardless of how the question is phrased, the answer is still the same so often: “I don’t know.”
So, if you don’t know, don’t beat yourself up about it. You are the norm.
Pursue interests.
In other words, focus less on what you “should” do, and more on what you “could” do.
Do you like art? Is it interesting to you? Do you notice that when you are “doing art” everything else seems to fade away or become less important? Good. Do more of that.
Do you like Excel spreadsheets? Are they interesting to you? Do you notice that when you are “doing Excel” everything else seems to fade away or become less important? Good. Do more of that.
See what I did there? This has nothing to do with money or prestige or what your parents think you should be doing with your life. It has everything to do with you. And what you are really, truly into is almost certainly something that you are, or will be, good at. And, when you are good at something and you find it fulfilling, you are increasingly like to get paid - well - for doing it. But, the pay is secondary. The fact that it feels natural is the important part. That’s the part that says you are moving in the right direction.
The direction of vocation and not simply a “j.o.b.”
So, pay attention to your interests. Don’t ignore them. Don’t put them aside for what you are “supposed” to be doing. That way lies disaster. Or, at minimum, a lot of boredom.
Make mistakes. A lot of them.
As someone who has made a lot of mistakes, I may be biased here. But, please take my word for it. You don’t learn by getting things right. Actually, you learn by falling on your face, embarrassing yourself, and picking yourself up to keep doing what you were doing when you fell - but, differently.
Now, of course, making mistakes sucks. It feels bad. Even when we know that we learn by making mistakes - that still doesn’t take away the sting of it.
In a way, we need to learn how to want to make mistakes. To want to take chances. But, taking chances is scary.
I know, I know. Who wants to be scared? No one. Well, except for roller coaster junkies, or horror movie enthusiasts, or skydivers.
But, as Joseph Campbell has said, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
So, if you are afraid of making mistakes (as most of us are), remember. The mistake is the way to the success - not getting it right.
Don’t ignore the signals.
Over the course of your long life, you are going to receive signals. Yes, signals.
These could be messages from people you trust. Or, feelings. Gut feelings. Physical feelings. Emotional feelings.
Or, these signals could be actual people. That keep popping up in weird, unexpected places.
Or, the signals are opportunities. Chances to do things that are interesting to you or that mean more to you than what you are currently doing. Or, that simply seem fun.
Do not ignore them. They are important. And, they are annoying.
So annoying, in fact, that when you do ignore them, they will keep coming back. Louder and more irritatingly. Telling you, “Listen to me! I am trying to tell you something! For the love of God, why can’t you just hear what I’m trying to tell you!”
And you will say, “Yes, but later. I am busy right now. I have priorities that I need to address. Can’t you see that I am doing the thing that you told me to do earlier?”
That’s the challenge. The signals might change their mind from time to time. And, so, you might also be called to change your mind. That’s OK. Go with it. The signals aren’t there to trick you - they are there to teach you and lead you to what is calling you forth. So, listen.
Make mentors.
I attribute 99% of my success (or whatever you might call whatever it is I have done with my life) to having had the most unbelievable mentors in my life.
These are people that decided, for whatever reason, that I was worth spending some time with (and on), letting me into their worlds, and imparting the wisdom they have from their deep and interesting lives, on to me.
But - and this is key - they didn’t simply decide one day to be my mentors. No, I had to turn them into mentors.
How does one do that? Well, let’s turn to the words of Rabban Gamliel (a first century A.D. Jewish scholar):
“Make for yourself a teacher.”
But, what does this even mean?
You have to choose actively. Wisdom doesn’t come to you passively. You construct the relationship through intention and effort.
Your teacher may not know they’re your teacher. You can designate someone as your mentor unilaterally - by studying them, following them, returning to them - and they may never even know you did it. And that’s totally cool.
The act of choosing is itself formative. Deciding who you want to learn from forces you to know what you value.
So, go. Make yourself a mentor. They will have more impact on your career than I could ever try to explain here.
Use your hands.
Literally. Just do stuff with your hands. Build things. Make LEGO. Carve wood. Paint. Draw. Sculpt. Swing a bat. Throw a ball. Play an instrument.
But.
Do all these things without your phone. Without a screen. Without a distraction.
And, then, notice: “What am I paying attention to right now?”
Because - and I am willing to bet - in those moments you will be paying attention to your hands and what you are making. And, when you demonstrate to yourself that you can make things with your hands, imagine how much agency you can have in making a career that really works for you?
Go slowly, on purpose.
I touched on this above, but really - don’t rush. There’s a lot of time - even if it feels like there isn’t, and you had to have everything figured out yesterday.
But, there is additional value to going slowly. A lot like working with your hands, but differently. Going slowly forces us to pay attention to what is happening around us and in us. Going slowly allows us to hear the signals more clearly, to get into states of flow, to be really, fully, truly engaged in our work.
Ever notice when you are in a rush to get somewhere, you miss the turn to the place you’re trying to go? It’s because you are not moving slowly enough to notice it.
I am sure there are a lot of things you don’t want to miss - in your career and, perhaps more so, outside of it. So, slow down.
Be a kid.
Laugh about what is going on. Get emotional - and don’t apologize for being emotional.
In other words, play.
There’s this experiment that I refer to in some of my presentations where kids were asked to build a tower out of spaghetti and a marshmallow, and the marshmallow had to be on top at the end of 18 minutes.
Long story short - kindergarteners consistently built taller towers than lawyers, Stanford MBAs and CEOs. Why? Because they were having fun with it. They weren’t concerned with how tall it was going to be at the end. They were only concerned with what was possible, what they could try making, and what would happen if they put a marshmallow on top. They didn’t care if it fell over. In fact, they were happy to make mistakes. Because each time they made a mistake and the tower fell over, a) they laughed and b) they learned what worked and what didn’t, and tried again.
It was simply fun for them. And, because it was fun, they were successful at it.
So, whatever it is you are doing, make sure it is fun. While I’m willing to bet you will be more successful at that than the thing that is less fun for you, I know for certain that you will enjoy it more. And, that’s worth a lot.
One more thing.
Whatever you do - whatever path you choose, abandon, rediscover, or stumble into - remember that you are not behind. You are not late. You are not doing it wrong.
You are, in fact, right on time.
Even if you can’t see it yet. Maybe, especially if you can’t see it yet.
Now go make some mistakes and have fun (and, not necessarily in that order).
Jordan Nahmias is the founder of Unstuck Consulting, an executive coaching practice for lawyers and other professionals. A former entertainment law partner in Toronto, he helps high performers navigate burnout, career transition, and identity.
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