I’ve been playing with an experiment lately.
Much like George Costanza, I have been been ignoring each instance in which I think I “should” do something. And, instead, do something resembling the opposite.
Now, the “opposite” is really not an accurate term to use here.
It’s more that, I am willingly choosing to replace the “should” with something else.
Which really means - for the most part - I am ignoring what I think most people I know and trust would tell me to do in that situation.
Now, this may sound simple. Actually, I am sure this is really easy for many people.
But, for me - and others perhaps like me - it’s not. It’s just really not.
Take this example:
I was working on some photographs and was wondering, “Which of these do I share?”
Now, bear in mind - I knew which ones I liked the most myself.
But, that’s not where my mind was going. Instead, my mind was going to, “What should I share? What makes the most sense to show? What will resonate most with my audience?”
See the shift? All of a sudden, it goes from being about me and what I need to being about the needs of others.
This is a funny thing that people do all the time in careers and in business.
Should we raise our rates?
Should we move offices?
Should I switch careers?
Should I fire this client?
Now, I’m not suggesting that you simply go with your most immediate urges. That would be reckless and dangerous. Nor am I suggesting you break any laws or do anything that would put you at risk of physical harm. After all - you can take the boy out of the law, but you can’t take the law out of the boy.
But, what I am suggesting is that, in your business and in your career - the “shoulds” operate with a sort of tyranny that, frankly, makes it nearly impossible to stay true to your own path. Yes - sometimes the “shoulds” align with what would be most true to yourself. But, more often than not, they don’t.
And, that’s a dangerous place to be. Because, the further you get off the path, the harder it is to get on it.
Does this mean ignore advice? Of course not. For starters that would put a lot of people out of business.
But, it does mean that you can trust yourself a bit more. Trust that, despite what everyone else may say you “should” do, or what your superego insists is the thing that you “ought” to do, deep down, your instinct is right.
And, the funny thing is that, going this way, things usually work out better. Every decision I’ve made lately based on this approach has been better for my business, better for my head, and even when it didn’t work out perfectly, still leaving me with absolutely no regrets for having chosen to rebel against the “tyranny of the shoulds” (borrowing the phrase from the work of Karen Horney) and go my own way anyway.
So, here’s the invitation.
For the next 7 days, try it out. One decision a day. Notice if there is anything in your inner world telling you that you “should” go a certain way, and resist that. Instead, ask yourself, “What could I do if there were no constraints on me, and no expectations of me, at all?” And then, see what changes in how you act.
It’s fun. It’s exciting. It can even be a bit scary. That’s how you know it’s working.
If you end up trying this, shoot me a message. I’d love to know how it was for you.
P.S. If you want some help applying this to your own work or career and doing this with a group of like minded folks, check out the Pursuers of More. We’re starting another cohort soon.
Jordan Nahmias is the founder of Unstuck Consulting, a coaching and consulting practice helping high-performing entrepreneurs and operators go from the business running on them to the business running with them - so they can go back to doing what they are actually good at, getting their time back and getting their business to run without them, without burning out, bailing out or losing what they actually built the business for - their freedom.
→ Take the Beyond Success Assessment.
→ Or if you’d rather just talk - book a call.